dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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