that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
