I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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