Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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