loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So squirting runs in the family.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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