Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
