remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This house was built for laser tag.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
