There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
