glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
