he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
