I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just cropdusted the office
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
