I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
