Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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