Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
