It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this hospital has no fireball
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
