Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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