I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I want her autograph on my taint
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
