No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
