But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
