Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
