I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
