I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
