it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
