ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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