this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
