Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
