I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just found a bag of teeth...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
