and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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