apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
