worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
