1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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