new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
