i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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