then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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