um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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