she looked like the before picture.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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