just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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