Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
