Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This is the high leading the old right now
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
