Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
