you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
