You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
