I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
