TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
