Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
