im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
