bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just had sex bonerless
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
