why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
