She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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