never play flip cup with pint glasses
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
